Similarities

(In our dorm room)

Josh: I'm about to go to dinner.
Jordan: Me, too. We have so much in common! Well, that and blood...

Shirts

(As Josh puts on a new shirt...)

Josh: Man, is this a girl's shirt?

Jordan: That's not a girl's shirt. I've worn a girl's shirt before. When I got I asked mom is it was, but she said it wasn't. But then I tried it on, and she was like, "Yeah, that's a girls shirt." Everything was really tight except for--" *pats chest* "--right here.

Josh: Man, you need to grow some bigger boobs.

Jordan: ...big boobs...

Josh: Why the heck did you just say "big boobs"?

Jordan: I don't know...

Sleepwalking

[Watching The Office - Michael Scott makes an idiot of himself while doing a Meryl Streep impression.]

Josh: Is he sleepwalking?
Jordan: No, he's an idiot.

Hot

(After watching a lot of Red Vs. Blue late at night...)

Jordan: Just one more.
Josh: No.
Jordan: Just one.
Josh: Noooo.
Josh: Man, this computer is hot.
Jordan: Your face is hot.
Josh: Your mom is hot.

Call of What?

(Josh has been playing Call of Duty: Black Ops for a while while recording gameplay for a montage. We've already discussed how montages are basically when the player isn't sucking, and how they sacrifice actualy performance for cool stunts.)

Jordan: You could almost make a YouTube channel to spoof video game montages, like fail montages. Or you could make montages called "What You Actually Do in Video Games the Majority of the Time."
Josh: Yeah, you could.
Jordan: You'd shorten the titles, of course. And you could do that for a bunch of different games. Like you could do Call of Doodoo--
[Fits of laughter]
Josh: That's hilarious.
[More fits of laughter]
Jordan: I don't know what's funnier - that I accidentally said "doodoo" or that we're laughing at it.
[Even more fits of laughter]
Jordan: Besides it's already called Call of Duty. (Doody.)

A/C

(While riding in our black Jeep during a blasted hot summer's day)

Josh: Ahh! It's so hot.
Jordan: I know, man.
Josh (turning the A/C knob): Should I do this?
Jordan: It doesn't work, does it?
Josh: No. It sucks that this doesn't have air.
Jordan (feeling the air leaving the vents): Does it just do hot air?
Josh: No, we don't have air, so it just blows.
(Jordan laughs, then Josh when it hits him.)

Baseball

Jordan: I just thought of a new status idea.
Josh: Is it funny?
Jordan: Yeah, it is: Baseball for homeschoolers.
Josh (cutting Jordan off, laughing): Yeah, that is funny.

I Really Like Beethoven

(I got a bunch of new CD's from Goodwill, as I often do, and I showed them to Josh.)

[Jordan sets stack of CD's on table]
Jordan: I got these at Goodwill.
Josh: Dang!
Jordan: It's not as "dang" as you think.
Josh: Cool - Stellar Kart. Ew, Beethoven, Bach--gross.
Jordan (in a mocking tone): Millions of people like these guys, but I don't. Get me Katy Perry; I want to listen to Usher. (resume normal tone) These guys were insane creators of music.
Josh: Well, they didn't create music.
Jordan: Yeah, they did.
Josh: They didn't really create music--I mean, people before them did. But they did make some of the best  music ever.
Jordan: By "create" I meant they made music, not invented it.
Josh: Oh, yeah -- that's what I meant.
Jordan: These guys make babies smarter.
Josh (laughing): I thought you were gonna say, "These guys make babies."
Jordan (also laughing): Beethoven makes me horny.
[pause in dialogue for fits of laughter]
Jordan: I wish this wasn't so inappropriate, because I want to put it on facebook.
Josh: Ha ha. Yeah.
Jordan: I kind of want to anyway.

Ten-feet Tall Tyler

(Our neighbor, Tyler, hit his growth spurt recently, and his voice deepened. Due to severe weather and the absence of his parents, he was supposed to visit our house for a while. The following conversation ensued.)

 Jordan: Tyler's coming over? Sweet! I haven't seen him since he got all (deep voice), "Hey, I'm Tyler and I'm 10 feet tall."
Josh (totally serious): No, he's not that tall.
*pause, then a burst of laughter*

THE Zipline

(While playing Call of Duty: Black Ops on one of the new maps with our cousin Ben, Josh discovers a zipline. The following conversation is about said zipline.)

Josh: Hey, it's a zip line!

Ben: You can use it.

Josh: I know, it says, "Use zipline."

Jordan: "Use the zipline."

Josh: It says "the"? 

Jordan: Yeah, it does.

Josh: Oh yeah, it does.